


Unwanted Revelations (Magical Girl Edition)

by Xx_Cas3y_Storm_xX



Category: Homestuck
Genre: kind of sburb au, like sburb is definitely there but this takes place after april 13th 2009 and they didnt enter, milf coding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-11-24 04:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xx_Cas3y_Storm_xX/pseuds/Xx_Cas3y_Storm_xX
Summary: on prospit everything about you is subconscious, but sometimes people arent ready for that kind of thing





	1. Earth Girls Are Complicated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [June Egbert who i love. everything is for her](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=June+Egbert+who+i+love.+everything+is+for+her).

EB: wait sorry jade it's my bedtime! my dads so annoying sometimes :B 

EB: ill see you tomorrow though! and happy birthday! 

GG: oh ok! bye john!

**\-- ectoBiologist ** **[EB]** ** ceased pestering gardenGnostic ** **[GG]** ** at 18:32 --**

And so you return to another night of solitude. You take a moment to think about your other friends. Dave might be up? But you wouldn't want to distract him from going to bed anyway, he's always up wayyyy too late. Rose is probably sleeping too. and... thats it actually.

Your name is Jade Harley and prospit is easy. Well it's not easy, but it's nowhere near as complicated, and every night when you go to sleep you wake up on its moon.

Jade: good morning ms. paint! good luck on your garden!

  
You don't have to worry about people, or being trapped, or not being enough, or anything! the queen watches out for you and everyone seems to like you! They say you’re The Witch. You’re supposed to become the guardian and savior of the planet some day! You don't know if that's actually true? but the prophecies don't lie! or you've been told that at least. In the area there's a little farmers market! You don't really need to eat but all these chess guys are so cute and you have a bunch of money so you pick up some pumpkins, zucchini and, anything else useful for a good salad.

Jade: Check up on the Blue Beauty

You decide to make your nightly trip to the tower paralleling yours. Careful not to spill any veggies you float up into the windowsill. the queen says she's Heiress to the prospit throne and also your sister. That always confused you when you were little. Yeah she looks like you but she doesn't look anything like the queen! Plus your older so really you should get to be queen, you think. You just wish grandpa would answer your questions about her. She has the same eyes, and the same nose, you even have the same overbite. Actually you could almost be twins! But you guess everyone has their destiny. You float past the old office chair, which has become worn from your visits, and start looking through her closet. Maybe if you find some hidden clue you can figure out who she is! you think about any more clues to what your shared destiny is. You know someday she will wake up. and you know she will fight darkness incarnate and live to tell the tale. but could they ever just mention which continent she lives on?

==>

The year is 2006 and you're 9 years old. You've asked about her before but the queen has refused to budge, but, when you walk into the throne room today, she looks tired.

Jade: hello? is it alright if i come in ?:B

WQ(?): Oh? Yes of course. I always have time for you, my child.   
  


You walk across the polished floor, making little sound with your cloth slippers.

Jade: whats wrong miss?

WQ(?): Oh? It is nothing dear don't you worry.

She sets aside the folder she was holding

WQ(?): I was simply looking over some reports, being royalty is tiring from time to time.

Jade: oh..

Jade: do you think blue will like being queen?

She takes a beat. Surprised by your question

WQ(?): Is that what you've decided to call her now?

Jade: well i wouldnt need to call her anything if you would just tell me her name!

WQ(?): You know that is not not our way. Besides it would not help you.

Jade: yes it would! maybe if i know her name i can find her! me and bec are gonna teleport away and im gonna find her and wake her up so there can be some other humans up here!

She pauses, this time longer. She's carefully picking the words she will sign.

WQ(?): Witch. Have you ever considered why we do not use the heroes names on our moon?

Jade: no! it's stupid!

WQ(?): The problem lies in. You know of the name your grandfather, the unfavored page calls you?

Jade: well... yeah i guess.

WQ(?): Yes exactly. It is not your true name and so we would never sully our halls with it.

Jade: ok but what does that have to do with Blue?

  
  


==>

WQ(?): Here on prospit, you are your own ideal. Your name, your body, your aspirations. All of them are true unlike your waking self. Your a remarkably bright little girl but im sure there are still parts of your prospitian form you do not understand.

Jade: well... yeah i guess.. But that dosent have to do with anything! Why can't you just tell me her real name!!

WQ(?): Because she does not know it herself!

WQ(?): Few know themselves at such a young age to push the clock forward is to change fate!

WQ(?): You are the first dreamer, and sadly the only one I will ever know. You will hear what you need to from the clouds and understand it when you are ready to. My child, I would like to tell you all I know but for the good of Skaia and for the good of yourself you must find it on your own. And I will be waiting here when you do.

  
  


In the years between then and now you've noticed you and your dreamself have been drifting farther and farther apart. On earth you became rough and boxy while on prospit you've stayed smooth and almost perfect. You have no hair where you hate it on earth and you have pretty much the body of a model, and it dosent feel right! You look unrealistic! But Blue. shes a more regular height, with a weighty build. She's pretty but not striking, even a bit average. You wish she would just wake up already so you could talk to her about all this!! It's so confusing and.

Jade: i really just wish you would wake up :(

???: mmmmm...

???: m..

???: uh.

???: hello?

Shit! You turn towards the body and shes sitting up! What the fuck!

Blue: um.

Blue: hi?

Jade: 

Blue: who... who are you? 

Blue: where am i!

Jade: you!

Jade: your awake!

Jade: oh my gosh!!!!!

Blue: i... am?? yes.

Jade: my name is jade! wow! your actually up!

you cant believe it! shes actually awake! holy fucking shit! shes sitting up now, and beginning to rub her eyes. Her voice is really pleasant, higher than yours but shaky and a little hoarse, like its never been used.

Blue: yeah i know im...

Blue: wait jade?

Blue: jade! oh my gosh you look so different than pictures!! how did i get here? 

Jade: um... what?

Blue: it's me! 

John: john! 

Jade: what!!!!

She readjusts herself. Himself? Himself in his bed and um. He looks weird! Hes never sent a picture of himself so you guess... he shifts his weight around trying to get comfortable when he... is this is just what he looks like? You've just imagined him really different from the drawings hes sent. And wait out of everyone on earth how is it that your friend happens to be on prospit! But his eyes unfocus like hes solving some math problem and he repeats his last couple movements. He then looks down.

John: ok uh! this is really weird!

John: wait ok ok... i just fell asleep didnt i! this is a dream! im dreaming! and when i pinch myself ill wake up.

He pinches himself really hard

John: ow!

John: ok shit! Um.....

John: wait. right jade!

Jade: y. yes? 

John: what the fuck is going on!

Jade: oh right! well this is prospit!!

John: this is. what???

Jade: well i guess it's kinda hard to explain but..

Jade: when i fall asleep i wake up on this moon! im a princess here and your gonna be the king someday i think but that dosent really matter right now. also theres these clouds that tell the future and also a bunch of chess guys that sometimes tell me stuff and were gonna be magical heroes! theres a bunch of prophecies i need to tell you about but also i have a ton of activities planned!!

Jade: this is gonna be so much fun!!!!!!!

John: uh thats really cool and stuff!

John: and also a lot to process.

John: but.

John: i meant more with uh....

John: this?

He gestures both hands in what could best be described as a “bounce bounce” sort of manor blushing profusely. Actually hes been blushing for most of your spiel your just not paying much attention.

Jade: oh.

Jade: uh!

Jade: do you... not look like that in real life?

John: no!!! im not a girl in real life i don't know whats going on!!!

Jade: oh geez :/

John: thats not a good enough explanation!

John starts to float slightly off his bed, wrapping the blanket around him in a spiral. His breathing quickens as the reality of the situation sets in.

Jade: well uh! man this isnt how i imagined this at all.

Jade: i look different here too! but it's a little more... subtle? 

John: ???

Jade: well... im taller here. and prettier i guess? But nothing like that!!

John: uh ok i.

John: it's nice to see you in real life but? i think i am having a little bit of a panic attack. so. maybe we could catch up later?

Jade: D: yeah ok! 

You back away from john and slip through the bedroom door. This situation... would not improve if he saw you jumping out the window. Outside is a carpacian who was clearly eavesdropping and practically falls into you when you open the door. Actually you think you recognize them? Oh yeah this is the same guy who you met when you first woke up here! weird you guess it's just their job or something.

(Jade: you might not wanna go in there for a while :( )

Appointed Supervisor: ( @_@')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a unique ass question! what happens when you transition before you even know your trans! hows that gonna play out! next chapter is planned but not written so come back later for some sisters hanging out


	2. Aha, Just Kidding... Unless?

You wait a couple days for the shock to reside before deciding to return to johns room but it's still weird that it's his! You've built up such a strong image of doing fun stuff with a SISTER you never even thought about a brother. And the headlines have been crazy now that he's awake. “SISTERS OF THE MOON REUNITED - BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR SKAIA?” “SLEEPING HEIR RISES UP, THE DESTINED DEFIED?”. Whatever it takes to get sales!

You float up to the window and pop your elbows into the sill. you can now see that he has a similar outfit to you! its a long golden dress, with a stripe down the side and a moon on the front. unlike yours it has triangular pads on both shoulders to give the appearance of some sort of armor.

Jade: knock knock!

John: huh?

John: oh jade hey!

Jade: hi!! i hope mx. supervisor could explain some stuff

John: who?

Jade: them!

AS: (*＾v＾*)

John: oh is that his name?

Jade: did... they not tell you?

John: uh he hasnt talked at all! He just keeps doing charades.

Jade: ._.

AS: ._.

John: :I

Jade: ._.

AS: ._.

John: :I

AS:  **._.**

Jade: i didnt even think about you not knowing sign language!! i picked it up super fast because i was little so its kind of second nature to me!

John: oh is that what it is???

Jade: yes!!!!!

John: huh!

Jade: this has been incredibly stupid.

AS: ┐(￣ー￣)┌

==>

Assigned Supervisor: ﾍ(;´o｀)/ (excuse me Miss Witch would you please take the Heir into town? I must begin working on some sort of translation apparatus to best educate them on matters of the kingdom!)

Jade: sure thing! come on john!!

John: ?

Jade: im gonna show you prospit proper! i think an eclipse is coming today and your gonna want to see it from the best spot in town!

John: oh um. i. i think im gonna stay here?

Jade: whys that :?!

John: um i just... think i need some time alone? i don't know.

He adjusts his body language slightly. His arms move from a crossed position to more of a self hug and his whole body seems to curl.

Jade: hmmmmmmm......

Jade: how about... we just go to my place!

John: um... 

Jade: oh come on itll be great! ill set up a picnic blanket on my roof and we can watch skaia from there!

John: well... i guessssssss that could work. but just us ok?

Jade: sorry john i don't go anywhere without my royal bodyguards :/

John: what!

Jade: come on im joking around goofus!! hehe lets just go :P

Harleberts: Just Go.

You pull the sheets off of your bed and lay the blanket on your dome. Johns still getting used to flying around but he manages to land safely and takes a seat next to your basket.

John: man it's kinda cold up here…

John: this outfits really drafty x_x

Jade: yeah! were basically in space isnt that cool!

John: im not sure if that would be how i describe that!

John: but it is kinda cool to fly and stuff. maybe we can fly out further sometime.

Jade: yeah!!! You cant travel too far from prospit without losing your powers though :/

John: aw man.

Jade: but i think i have just the thing for the cold!

You head down into your room and reach into the wardrobifier. Actually can you even “reach into” a wardrobifier?? Anyway you pull out a gift from a couple years ago. It's a purple hoodie with a lilac moon stamped on the front. You found it on your bed one day and have kept it ever since! It still smells kinda like lavender. You return to your setup and toss it to john.

Jade: here wear this!

John: :O wow thanks!

John slips the hoodie over his pajamas and sticks both hands into the pocket. It's a little big on him but that's the way all hoodies should be! His shoulder pads start to shrink down, deflating the bumps they made in the fabric. He looks much more comfortable now that he can disappear into the garment. Plus it looks pretty nice with the yellow from his dress!

John: so...

John: whats so special about the eclipse anyway?

Jade: the clouds of course!

John: ?

Jade: see that biiiiig planet were heading towards? thats called skaia! when it aligns with prospit we’ll enter the atmosphere!

John: whats so special about that?

Jade: i already told you, the clouds!

Jade: they let us see the future! 

John: woah!! how do they do that?

Jade: uh.

Jade: i don't know! They just do! But theyre almost never wrong!

John: almost?

Jade: there was like oooone time but other than that! im not really sure what happened? ill tell you about it some other time

John: weird...

Jade: yeah! but i don't know that dosent really matter right now

Jade: how about we do some fun bonding stuff!

John: alright! Like what?

==>

Jade: so…

Jade: do you have a crush on anyone?

John: oh come on that cant be your FIRST question! you have to build up to it!

Jade: if you don't answer the question you have to do a dare! do you really want to leave it up to fate?

You gesture at him with the nail brush youve been using for your toes, flinging a drop of black paint onto the blanket.

John: hmmmmm...

John: i don't know....

Jade: oh FINE ill change my question you spoil sport :P

Jade: let me see.......

Jade: how about...........

Jade: is there anything about me that makes you jealous?

John: what!

Jade: i don't know it's the first thing i could think of! But you have to answer truthfully for real this time!

Jade: plus if you lie itll be in the clouds!

John: um.

John: ok.

John. i guesssssss....

John: if i HAD to pick something about you. It would be. 

John: your confidence?

Jade: <:o

John: yeah i don't know! Your just, so happy to be yourself it's kind of nice. I wish i could do that.

Jade: wow thats so sweet! But i don't really think of myself as confident!

Jade: i just do what feels right and be nice to people!

John: yeah!

John: and um.

John: i guess theres. One other thing? But it's stupid

Jade: what is it!

John: no no nope! its actually super dumb and i changed my mind about thinking it!

Jade: come onnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!! You have to tell me it's the rule!

John: mmmmmmm.

John: ok fine i guess but. you cant make fun of me ok?

Jade: never!

John: i guess i.

John: kinda?

John: 

(John: wish that i could. paint my nails like you?)

Jade: :O!!!!!!!!!

John: like maybe just. one time? just to see what its like i dont know!

John: see! its really stupid! just forget it its dumb.

John is redder than a fire hydrant but that almost seems normal by now.

Jade: no it's not dumb! I think it's really nice actually... 

Jade: um do you think

Jade: you might want to try it?

John: ...

John: i.

John: wait its my turn actually! haha! you almost had me distracted but now i get to ask you a question!!!

Jade: alright!

John: uh! man now i cant think of anything good!

John: hmmmmmm.... i guess... ill ask... 

John: do you... actually think im super weird?

Jade: what!

John: i mean! i keep saying this weird stuff that ive never thought about before and i have this stupid body now and your being so nice to me but! im not normal jade i think prospits messing with my brain and making me a weirdo!!

Jade: john!!!!!!!!!!!

Jade: THAT IS IN NO WAY TRUE!!!!

John: :x!

Jade: your not weird for wanting this stuff john! and i dont think your a creep or a weirdo or whatever for wanting to get your nails painted!!!!!

John: but i.

John: but your a real girl! not some reverse fiona thing like me!

John: i mean im not even actually girl!!!!!!!!!

Jade: what!!!!! john that dosent even matter!!!!

Jade: who cares about the weird situation your in! all that matters is how you feel about it!!

John: well i feel weird about it!

Jade: yeah! that makes sense!!!!

Jade:

Jade: or! no! thats not what i meant!

John: i knew it.

John: i knew it! 

John: im being super weird and you don't wanna tell me because it would hurt my feelings but i just need to. figure out how to fix this!

Jade: GOD JOHN IM THE SAME AS YOU!!!!!!!!

John: 

John: wait what?!

Jade: i mean i guess im not the same as you but i don't look anything like this on earth!

Jade: do you really think im some kind of beautiful siren on this abandoned fucking island???? my body sucks and its got hair all over and i used to be a BOY!!! prospit gave me this one and it's overkill but it must have given you one too by accident!!! there has to be a way to put you back to normal but only if you can keep calm about it!! 

John: i.

John: you can. 

John: stop being a boy?

Jade: i could have said all that a lot better!!!!!!!

Jade: but!!!!!!!

Jade: i love you! and i want you to be happy! so hold still!!!!!!!!!!

You grab johns right hand and position it at about lower chest level

John: wait hold on jade i.

You dip the brush back in the vial with a little more force than needed and take it to johns fingertip.

Jade: theres not a lot of good tips for painting your nails but just make sure to do a clean coat. too much fiddling and it will just clump up

John seems surprised past words.

Jade: alright now blow on the ones ive done to dry them ok? But not too hard

He does.

Jade: really you cant do anything but practice. Maybe later i can show you my other colors if you want to switch from black

Hes watching you paint as if it's the most important thing in the world. You get to 7 fingers before he says anything.

(John: um. thank you.)

Jade: 

Jade: yeah it's no problem dork ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to http://japaneseemoticons.me for fun little emoticons :3
> 
> hes been adjusting pretty well for such a big change but if johns good at two things its bottling up his emotions and being trans. dreamselves are a little ditzy though so seems like some emojis are slipping through the cracks!


	3. The Breeze Will Guide You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so... gender huh?

It's been a couple minutes since you finished painting Johns nails and he keeps looking around like someone is gonna take them from him. The blushing has lessened but he seems completely unable to keep his hands still. Twirling his hair, tapping his fingers together, anything to keep them busy. But it's now or never.

Jade: so...

Jade: john

John: yeah?

Jade: is it ok if i ask you something about earler?

John: ...

John: um i guess so?

Jade: you said prospits making you think weird... well... what is it that your thinking?

John: oh.

John: i.

John: it's nothing.

John: just. some weird magic stuff.

Jade: can you tell me anyway? 

Jade: please?

John: ummmmmmmmm....................

John: it's not even a thought i guess. It's more like. an opposite thought?

Jade: :?

John: um. well since i turned into. since ive been on prospit. ive been. really freaked out?

John: and i should be! but. 

John: 

John: i think im kind of getting used to it?

Jade: oh!

John: it's not like i like it or anything!!!!!

John: i just.

John: it's nice here. and i don't wanna give up seeing you or skaia or any of that just because of the wrong body. i guess.

Jade: john! thats ok! thats not weird at all your just a regular human being!

Jade: maybe your jus-

Your thought is interrupted by a rush of wind as you enter the atmosphere. Technically prospit doesn't have one, you're just able to breathe because of... magic or something? But now you get why you always get told to stay inside! You get another really strong gust and start to topple over, but keep your balance.

John: AUHG!

Jade: woo! that got me! are you alri

ohshitjohnfelloffthefuckingroof.

John: AUHDSG JADE!!

He just rolled off the fucking roof! Goddammit why are these things big fucking circles!

Jade: **DDDD:**

Jade: HOLD ON ILL SAVE YOU JOHN!!!

You scramble to the edge of the thing and start clambering into a window! and you clamber hard!!! Now wheres a fucking net gun when you need one???

Jade: Be The Other Girl

Well technically you arent actually a girl but HOLYSHITWHOCARESYOUREFALLING!! AND YOUR FALLING FAST!

John: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHI

John: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! WAIT!

John: WAit a second!!!!

You suddenly remember that you can fucking fly. Oh yeah. You focus really hard on NOT falling like a rock into the planet's surface where unlike a rock you would turn into a person flavored pan cake, and your decent starts to slow. You feel the air rushing around you less and less so when it's seemed to almost completely stop you peek open one of your eyes. Turns out not everything has to be a federal fucking issue.

Around you is a hollow nimbus the size of a hot air balloon with the only exit being a circular hole directly above you. You straighten your body and just float there in total silence. And then you start to laugh. 

and then you laugh so hard tears form at the edges of your eyes! 

You almost fucking died! But now you feel ALIVE! Alive for the first time in months! The wind whips around you and the clouds start spinning like a mini tornado. Torn from itself and put back together, attempting to form shapes but being caught up in the turbulent flow the coloring starts to shift. A hazy picture forms in the mass. First vague details and colors, then detailing into an unmistakable vision. It's something that makes your stomach drop directly into skaia. 

John: i.

John: is..

John: is that me?

In the unified smog surrounding you, you see as if it was on a movie screen and you were some chump in the front row. A girl a couple years older than you is standing on some weird blue mountain. She has messy hair that falls past her shoulders and is wearing... is that Jades outfit? Oh! Ahaha!!! HAHA!!! It's just Jade!!! No need to freak out haha!!!!!!!!!!!! But. Jade. Doesn't have braces! And. And the girl in the clouds is shorter, and rounder! Like. And. ok HAHA jokes over now what the fuck is going on!!!!!!!

The clouds swirl like some kinda fucking crystal ball and the scene shifts!!! This can't really be the future right? Jade said they were wrong sometimes this is probably like that! Now the girl is in makeup and has a blue dress on. She's sitting in a booth with someone. The other person has dark nail polish but you can't see much else because the cameras focus isnt on her. You just see the first girl and she looks. Happy. Really happy. And. youre petrified! You can't focus on the scene around you but it's also the only thing occupying every inch of your brain.

John is numb other than the heavy shaking of his arms and legs. His eyes are wide and his face is rigid. Hes white as a ghost and he cant do anything to stop the picture as it shifts, this time the girl is in a cute jacket on a felled tree. It's snowing hard. Again it shifts, now into the far future. The girl seems significantly older and looks motherly. She's waiting for someone. It shifts again to the girl sitting with your friend dave. He seems conflicted. and it shifts again. and again. and again. John closes his eyes. He must have control of his limbs again because he's returned to the fetal position and is clutching at his hair. Tears drop off his cheeks only adding to the swirling mass. Is this really possible? It has to be someone else. And why is it affecting him so much? It's all so much. The wind is deafening but he dosent register it. He's numb and dosent know what to do. Can he do anything? He isnt even flying anymore, the wind is circling around him so strongly that he's being kept airborne. He pulls himself inward even tighter. The girl in the clouds was happy.

JADE: SAVE JOHN!!!!

BAM! You shoot the net gun from your window! You took aim for the big ominous cloud that it looks like he landed in! forget being on the roof you've DEFINITELY never been INSIDE one of the clouds who knows what the fuck he's seeing! You think about how you can kind of fucking fly so maybe the artillery was unnecessary but your on a pretty big adrenaline rush right now! You feel your rope hit something solid.

Jade: NICE!

You give the rope a YANK with every ounce of your strength and see an object poof out the side of the mass and... it's coming at you FAST! You steady your stance ready to catch your brother blasting at you and! Hey is he oka-

You get COMPLETELY barreled through by the kid cannonball himself and you tumble comically across the length of the sphere exploding across the back wall!!

Jade: hehe that was CRAZY!!! right john!!

Jade: ...

Jade: john?

John is completely fucking catatonic

Jade: shit!

You scuttle to john and prop him up against your bed frame. Hes awake but looks fucking out of it. Did he see his own death in there or something? Oh geez you bet he saw himself die! Why couldn't you have just explained this all better!!!

Jade: UM.

Jade: IM GONNA GET SOME HELP!

Jade: YOU STAY THERE OK?!

You fly towards the planet looking for a hospital or something! But we don't need to see that.

Stop being the other girl. Be john

You cannot be john because john is unsure of who john is!

Be JE(?)

Thats more like it. You stop being john and start being JE(?). Isn't this so much more comfortable? So anyway you are dying. Well you're probably not actually dying but it feels like it! You're processing. A lot.

The girl in the clouds. She. that couldn't have been the future you’re not.

But she wasn't on prospit though. She was on earth she was free! How did she get out how did she get back? God no why. Why would you want to.

Bluh! 

Why. why do you feel this way. Jesus you feel scared. Why are you scared why are you. Ok. ok. You should. Categorize your emotions. you... you feel scared. like really afraid more afraid than you've felt in your entire life. And. you. You feel happy. Why do you feel happy oh my god why would you be happy right fucking now! You feel fucking giddy between the two things you don't know if you want to laugh or run as fast as you fucking can. You can't stop yourself from doing the former. Just a little. But WHY. you. God. you. Why would. You would be so much happier if you just. If you just what? How would you be happier!

  
  
  
  


You would be happier if you were her.

  
  
  
  


Another wave hits john egbert as he metaphorically reels from that thought. He doesn't actually move though he freezes further. The numb feeling in his fingertips blending in with the feeling of his soul leaving his body. He. You. feelings flood in from your life of being empty. You weren't just empty it's that you were missing something and. And. god. 

You want to be her. You. you want to be you. Not you but the you on prospit the. are. are you a.

What does this mean! What do you do!! Like the previous wave of shock you get hit with a gush of euphoria and terror. You’re. You arent you, you're someone else than you. But whats changed why are. You’re.

You feel. Sad. Not now but you felt sad. Your feelings you wouldnt let yourself experience are coming back and... you. Shit!!!!!!!!! Do. Do you want boobs? Like you have here like she had. And there's. A lot of things you don't like about your body actually? Man this sucks! You never had any problems with your body! Or. you guess you did apparently but you never cared about your weight or fashion or anything why would. 

Your fucking exausted. But your. Already asleep? How does that work. You slouch down further and get comfortable. Well relatively comfortable but you need to take a nap. So. You do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rated pg 13 for feels... poor june :( could have had a little slower of a slope huh!


	4. Hi! My Name is (What?) My Name is (Who?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J███ wakes up after tossing and turning in h██ bed. ███ feels so much more than ███ ever has before and dosent know what to do. panic and hijinks ensue as h██ egg is nothing but shards scattered at h██ feet

EB: so um. last night was kind of crazy right? 

GG: yeah! im sorry i took so long to get back :( by the time i got back you disappeared

EB: what? i didnt go anywhere!

GG: i mean you woke up! 

EB: oh yeah.

EB: i just. had a lot to think about.

GG: oh...

GG: yeah i meant to talk to you about that too :(

EB: uh sorry i think i need to go. bye.

**\-- ectoBiologist ** **[EB]** ** ceased pestering gardenGnostic ** **[GG]** ** at 8:47 --**

This morning you woke up in a cold sweat. You don't usually have a lot of specific memories from Prospit, after all it is a dream, but you remember a lot this time. You remember feelings. You remember the most youve ever felt in your entire life and you remember the fear. And the shame. My god you don't have to remember the shame because youre feeling it right now. It's suffocating and real and massive. You want to scream or cry or... something. There's something massive and heavy and terrible in your chest and you want it OUT. What's wrong with you why are you being so gross and weird and. You don't actually want to. You aren't a. You don't want to be a creep! A creep who pretends to be a girl and talk to girls online and stuff your! You want it out. You really want it out you want to be normal just. You want it out you want it out you want it OUT YOU WANT IT

You hear a soft clattering as someone jiggles the door handle. You are suddenly torn into reality, the reality that you are currently sitting in the band room and need to find a new place to break down. You didn't know this room was being used today. You stand up with tear tracks still traced down your cheeks and power walk towards the opening door. Light from the hallway streams into the dark room, illuminating the stacked folding chairs against the wall as you barrel past the man in the doorway. You keep your head down and walk at speed through the emptying halls. You turn a corner to the most private place you can think of to have a crisis, the bathroo- You walk at speed past the bathrooms and towards the side exit. You've never skipped school before. 

It's a crisp and beautiful December day. You hear birds singing and see wilted flowers in neat little rows, the ones you helped to plant in June. Days like these are nice. People should be outside enjoying it. But not people like you, you should. Well you don't know what you should do but. Jesus. Taking off your glasses, you round the block. chances are they wont find you, or won't bother to. You didn't even show up for your first class they probably think you're sick. You fold up the glasses and stick them in your pocket in case you start crying again. Everything is blurred for more reasons than one. 

When your far enough from the school you take a break. How long have you been walking? 10 minutes? 15 minutes? You lean on a white picket fence and slide down to the sidewalk. You think about how you must look to anyone walking by, your face is a total mess and. You flinch when you remember your face. Why. Why did you do that. Another wave of tears hit you. You don't know why youre crying. It's all. Just so much. What's wrong with you why are you. Why can't you. The world is silent other than the rustling of brittle leaves and the distant call of a sparrow. People are away at this time of the morning and. Fuck it. You let out a sob. You don't even care about whoever might be around you sob into your crossed arms with your whole body. What will Jade think. What will Rose think, what will Dave think! 

No. It doesn't matter because they. They won't find out because. You're. You're going to fix this you. You're wrong, there's something wrong with you but. But. You were so. Happy. No. You. You know what you'll do. You. You'll snap yourself out of it with. With reality yeah. God who would. Who wouldn't tell. You think about the person you trust most with a secret. Jade. You. Don't want to ruin your friendship with her but maybe when she sees you go back to normal. Maybe. You can forget it ever happened? You remove the first generation ipod touch from your sweatpant pocket. You got it for your 14th birthday earlier this year. You open it to the pesterchum client and take a deep breath.

**\-- ectoBiologist ** **[EB]** ** began pestering gardenGnostic ** **[GG]** ** at 9:17 --**

EB: jade i need to talk to you.

GG: oh hey john! welcome back are you doing ok?

EB: jade i. no im not im doing bad.

GG: ?

EB: 

EB: promise to tell the truth.

EB: dont lie to me ok? to make me feel better when i tell you this.

EB: because i know somethings wrong with me and i know im really gross and creepy and.

GG: ok ok! ill tell you the truth but im sure it's not as bad as you think it is :( 

EB: it is.

EB: it is im sorry i dont want you to hate me.

EB: geez but its too late now.

EB: i.

EB: jade i want to be a girl.

He feels his mind unfocus. He hadn't ever thought. They. Hadn't ever actually thought those words before. They cant even now. He can't even now. He keeps typing not letting Jade underreact to the severity of the scenario. She needs to know the truth, she deserves it.

EB: i dont just want to be a girl i want to dress like one.

EB: and my name feels. really bad it gives me this feeling like i got hit in the chest with a two by four.

EB: and its not just my name its a lot of things that. jade i dont want this to be happening i promise i want to be normal again but i dont know how and.

EB: and i think these feelings have always been inside me?

EB: its not just appearing because of prospit i think im really sick like ive always been sick i dont know how to. jade i want to get it out i promise please dont hate me you need to tell me to get it out and ill try i mean it please just tell me to please.

Youre crying again. You can barely see from the tears it hurts so much. You keep both eyes trained on the corner of your screen where a small bubble appears. A “...” showing that Jade is typing something. You watch it for minutes, years, agonizing forever for what in reality was just a few seconds, then Jades emerald text pushes your cerulean away.

GG: oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No.

No no no no no this can't be happening no don't no please god no. You power off the player and shove it away roughly, only managing your pocket with luck. Your face has contorted into a massive frown and as you stand up you let out another sob. This was a mistake she. Youre horrible and she knows it. She hates you now and you can't fix it what were you thinking! You run. You run away down the crosswalk across the street with your eyes shut so tight. You feel your device violently shaking from your side. It keeps going off with whatever you thought you could handle but you clearly cant. You fumble with hard angry movements, pushing the switch into silent, then taking it out. You can't even read the screen through your tears but you see white and green mixing together into a cruel inkblot. You swipe up harder than you need to and put it into night mode before returning it to the felt pocket. You breathe heavily, you aren't used to running. A couple blocks is the most youve done outside of gym class in a while and your reaching it. You slow down and turn left, crossing another intersection. You're still in the residential area. Wait are. Is that. You've managed to get all the way back to your house. Walking to the mat you remove the spare key and unlock the door. The deadbolt returns to it’s place when you twist the little thing on the knob and go towards the stairs. Every footfall is deafening in the dark house. It's never this quiet even with just the two of you. Stumbling through your own dorway you throw yourself at the bed, literally you tumble sideways and land on the side of the mattress, rolling to the center. You maneuver the covers over your form and close your eyes. Shaky breaths escape your lips as you begin to calm down from your episode. But then you remember what you did and. You take the ipod to the space above your head and you see the previews of her messages. They only serve to make you even more afraid.

GG said at 9:22

im sorry i didnt mean to

freak out so much im...

GG said at 9:23

theres gonna be so much

change now but i wan...

GG said at 9:31

hello? are you there?

are you ok?

You. You swipe the screen and enter your passcode. 11/11 a pretty important date to you, and who would guess that. Jade’s pesterlog is already stopped at where you left off. Face the music, take your beating Egbert.

GG: oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GG: this!

GG: this is amazing!!!!!!!!

GG: john im so so happy for you you have no idea how amazing this is!!!!!!!!!!!

GG: im stimming so much right now you dont even know!!!

GG: wait hold on im super super sorry thats not your name anymore is it!!!!!!

GG: uh, you! im so so proud of you and happy for you!!!!!!!!!!

GG: your going to be a wonderful girl and im so happy to have you as my sister!!!

GG: maybe we can still do all the girl things i had plans for!!! whenever your ready of course!!!

GG: but right i can give you tips!!! plus my grandpa has tons of money so i can send you some supplies! And!

GG: wow!!!!!!!!!

GG: im sorry i didnt mean to freak out so much im just so happy for you!!!!!

GG: theres! gonna be so much change now but i want you to know that it's going to be worth it. someday youre gonna look back on today and youre gonna remember when you took the first step to. to becoming the amazing beautiful woman that youre gonna turn into! 

GG: hello? are you there? are you ok?

EB: why...

EB: why would you say that

EB: jade i. i cant be a girl you were supposed to tell me i cant be a girl!

GG: but thats not true!

You're still crying but it slowed part way through the message, what you think youre crying now is. Tears of joy? You feel a new sensation in your chest that isnt making you choke but is making you so fucking afraid and... its hope.

GG: you... you are a girl

GG: and youre my sister and i love you more than anything

GG: and i would do anything to help you right now because you just did the hardest thing youve ever had to do i think

EB: i.

EB: can. there isnt really a way for me to. but im a boy and.

GG: ok listen to me! you are a girl! and i know that because im trans too! you and i share this! and its beautiful and amazing and wonderful and were doing it together!

EB: youre.

EB: youre really like me? this isnt like. a mean prank or a trick or.

GG: absolutely! absolutely and it's not just us!

GG: in fact...

GG: i think i know a way i can help!

GG: what are your coordinates

EB: what???

GG: just tell me!

You go into the map settings of your phone and copy the submenus result.

EB: 47.362101, -122.054144.

GG: and your on the second floor right?

EB: yes??????????

Jade dosent respond for a couple minutes and you start to get nervous. Did. Did she hire some kind of deep web hitman or something?? Why does she even need that she knows where you live already. Suddenly a bright flash of light appears a couple feet above your bed. It stuns you and you feel a small glass object with a bit of weight to it hit your stomach. You readjust to the dimness and realize what it is. a small bottle of black nail polish, attached to a note reading “jade <3”.

EB: jade what is this are you...

EB: i cant use this!!!!

GG: oh! i mean you just really liked it on prospit so i thought you might wanna try it and

EB: but what if my dad sees me oh god what if he sees this at all! i need to get rid of it jade can you bring it back?

GG: uh, i dont think so? but here!

A couple seconds after the message is sent another flash of light goes off above you, this time producing a clear plastic bottle much bigger than the first. It has a faded pink label and is partway filled with a clear strong smelling liquid.

GG: if you want to take it off that will help

GG: and you dont need to be ashamed of who you are

GG: youre brave and funny and nice and you always know what to say when im down on myself, and youre also my sister

GG: everything makes a lot more sense now actually!

Can you... really be a girl? Not just pretending or dressing like it or anything but. Actually be one. Is that possible? It was possible for Jade so does that mean. And you on Prospit and in the future you're a girl. Does that mean... that maybe you've been a girl all along?? Your breathing is quick and shallow but you don't feel as afraid as you did last night you feel like. Maybe for the first time in your life nothing is wrong. Maybe you're the way your supposed to be. You wipe the tears away from your eyes and stare at the bottle sitting on your chest. Maybe you should. But. You sit up in your bed and you are now determined. The lid unscrews easily to reveal the brush underneath. Your hands are so shaky you couldn't do it well even if you were a master. Remembering Jades advice and through time spent you paint every nail a matte black. It's all over the edges and it's not exactly one smooth layer but it's yours. It's yours for the rest of your life.

**\-- ectoBiologist ** **[EB]** ** began pestering tentacleTherapist ** **[TT]** ** at 9:51 --**

EB: rose are you there? we need to talk its important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coming out and being accepted is a hell of a thing! its really good that she had jade in her life... next chapter will be a return to prospit (after rose enters the situation of course)
> 
> also i listened to Flare from Vol. 8 on loop while writing this so if you want vibe music


End file.
